|
|
Post by X factor on Aug 2, 2015 15:59:44 GMT -5
I'm in the basement and trying to rise self up and out of it by taking a series of forward actions that hopefully will make life easier. Sad to say the far tips of hell have caught me as in 'If you don't continue moving forward hell will catch you'. Well the ground is getting hot now, I've sat still for so long that bottom of shoes are beginning to melt. But now have put life into gear, like second gear so far, so hopefully I can start moving away from the hell that standing still for to long brings upon one.  When you sit still to long, you begin to decay, rot away, bad habits catch up with you, you're not able to be there for others, social life dwindles and more. It's just bad. You begin to lose motivation, stop working out, health gets bad do to above. And soon begin accepting bottom status, a self imposed bottom status do to inability to move forward. My rescue has come just in the nick of time, I do believe. We shall see. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Aug 2, 2015 16:42:55 GMT -5
I'm going to take a short nap, or just lay back, wake up or get up, and hence forth try to leave the basement.
It won't be easy...but must do in order to survive.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Aug 3, 2015 9:25:26 GMT -5
 Climbing out of the basement is harder than I thought it would be... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Aug 8, 2015 18:21:23 GMT -5
Climbing out of the basement not as easy as I thought it would be Whether literal or metaphorical, a basement can be dark, dungy, misty and damp, but after a while it becomes familiar, small and known, and in a odd way that can be comforting. The basement may be small, dark and damp, but it's familiar and often less scary than what lies abroad. And often less scary than what wants to come in. The basement is not pretty, not glorious, not full of lights, acculades, rather it's just still. But that stillness becomes comforting at times. Monsters in the basement at least are some what known, but the hundreds, thousands of monsters, beasts, that lay in wait outside the basement unknown. You take a few steps upwards, then hesitate.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Aug 12, 2015 6:35:35 GMT -5
The new day is here and I already feel like barfing.
The day represents nothing to me but fiscal depreciation.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Oct 20, 2015 18:59:13 GMT -5
How do I feel right now? I feel like nothing. I already feel like I never existed after I'm dead and gone. I already feel like nothing, like I never mattered. Like my brief life here on Earth is, was, totally meaningless, didn't add to a pile of beans.  Billions before me, billions, maybe even trillions, all alive, all felt universe evolved around them while alive, and now all dead and gone, why should I be any different? How do I feel right now...like a meaningless spec...no more significant than a ant. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Nov 16, 2015 9:08:17 GMT -5
Certain forces don't ever want you to leave the basement
There seems to be certain forces, invisible forces, that don't ever want you to leave 'the basement'. If you attempt to leave, they get jealous, and seemingly will sabotage your efforts to get out. Seems these odd strange beings are wrapped around some, like some gummy curse, and through shear accident are sometimes seen through reverse distortion.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Dec 24, 2015 9:45:17 GMT -5
To me, life is safer and much cleaner in the basement.
I always thought getting out of the basement would be much safer, that life would make more sense outside the basement, be more pleasant.
I don't think so anymore.
I think the basement is the safest place to be where environment is totally predictable, grey and muted as it can be at times, but it's predictable and safe within the basement.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Dec 25, 2015 9:11:22 GMT -5
Xmas in the basement Xmas for those of us alone, and outside of mainstream love, acceptance and harmony. Not do to any fault of our own, but do to social nature, and all the ugliness of.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Dec 26, 2015 12:13:29 GMT -5
Holiday in the basementJust not sure how to feel right now, happy or sad or nothing. Trees don't have to deal with emotions, emotions are good I suppose, when they are 'good'. Just not sure how to feel right now. Have to leave the basement in a bit and 'blend in' for a while, pretend all is 'normal' and right. But is it normal and right for anyone? I mean unless God almighty himself, who is, or has life, ever been normal and right for all the time? I'm actually happy to be awake though, for some odd reason, happy to see the sun. Eternal darkness can be a very long time, and once gone there's no garruntee one will ever have a conscious again and be self aware of anything. It took this long to become self away, and to be born, given a conscious, who's to say it will ever happen again? If George Washington, the first U.S. President only gets or got a chance to live once, than what was the point of their existence? To live, die, and to never live again after that, seems pointless, almost better to have not lived at all if when you die you don't remember anything and are just gone again. I really hope there is a God that can give people eternal life after death, I don't think that would be such a bad thing at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Dec 26, 2015 12:27:56 GMT -5
Sometimes it's like I'm afraid to truly even try to be happy anymore in fear that it just won't last.
As if evil just won't allow you to be happy for more than a few quiet moments.
So many spirits it seems, and so many people, and each person influenced by different spirit, and seems these spirits are just bent on not allowing you to feel happy for very long.
I do no turning off the TV and Fox or other for ratings driven news controversy type shows, always makes me feel better.
News is a business, and you realize sooner or later that they 'have to' generate constant controversy in order to vamp up viewership.
If not ISIS, than black white relations, if not black white relations, than bad weather, if not bad weather than something ugly a candidate said, and so on.
Constant dribble of bad news, constant assembly of so called 'experts' or 'personalities' who are paid money simply to fight one another on air for entertainment, and nothing ever resolved.
But when you turn it all off and just look at nature, all the stress goes away.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jan 12, 2016 5:59:09 GMT -5
What would I do with the lottery earnings if I won?
I would not give it away to any charities, that's for sure.
I'd keep all the money myself and obviously give some away to select individuals on a random basis, but I would not give it away in bulk to charities who don't even know I exist, don't care that I exist, so don't suddenly care that I exist only after I have money.
I was homeless once, and no charity helped me nor gave a ___ about whether I lived or died...and I can never forget that.
So if I win the lottery, since no one cares about me, whether I live or die, why should I suddenly care about them?
If I win, I will keep it all.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Sept 2, 2016 18:42:02 GMT -5
Today I don't particularly like anyone,
Everyone seems like a monster to me.
Don't matter how they look, even cute women seem like monsters who happen to look 'cute', but still monsters.
There's something within the deeper nature of man that's just dark.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Mar 15, 2017 20:36:43 GMT -5
How is Jason, on Friday the 13th, any different from any other typical 'cop hero' killer on TV or in the movies?
Jason, on Friday the 13th, simply kills others without lecturing to you, where as hero cops, detectives, Batman ect, kill people in the movies while lecturing, but in the end death is death, killing is killing.
Blade, the vampire hero, in the end is no different than 'Michael', from Friday the 13th, simply one lectures about it, and the other does not.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Nov 7, 2017 20:10:38 GMT -5
I'm not mentally ill, no more or less than anyone else, but often fantasize about being assigned to such facility, to spend rest of life 'free'...free of rent, free of responsibility, bills, accountability, where all I have to do is wake up and live, type, feed, and enjoy the 'grounds'...
Seems like heaven to me., as a 'sane' person, seems like heaven...
|
|
