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Post by X factor on Jul 2, 2020 4:42:25 GMT -5
Basement is becoming Heaven like to me now  The basement is becoming heaven like to me, and the basement could just be a metaphor for your own personal dwelling, a place of calm, predictability and comfort. Even dull, boring and bland, but the older you get the more you realize dull, boring and bland is safe, or 'safer' than 'out there'. When I get off work, I instantly scurry back home, like B line it, cause for me there's nowhere else to go, no where else that matters. There's nothing but trouble out there, others with vicious mean attitudes and tempurmants, and then put them behind the wheel of a car and their ugly attitude becomes magnified. I don't need over time, I don't need nothing, all I need to do is get off work and then B line it back home, to the basement, where all is still. Nothing bad every really happens until you leave your place (unless having internal domestic drama)...luckely I don't have that. When on my way to work I pass at least 2-4 vehicles that are always broke down on side of road, daily, think of the stress. It happened to me a few weeks ago also. You 'go out there' and are then just snared to spend money you otherwise would not....cause now if vehicle breaks, you're talking 1000's to repair, tow bill, and worst of all sleazy mechanic shop who extort you for all you have, and will swear up and down they're being honest. In closing, I love the basement, it's nothing special, but it's just a place I can be whatever I want to be without mean people judging, I just keep all pollution out.
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Post by X factor on Aug 27, 2020 17:03:03 GMT -5
Other people are sick and diseased, cause other people mingle, I do not.
I keep to myself, I'm celabit even.
I don't kiss or nothing or hold hands, I just keep to myself.
The only time I ever feel 'woozy' is when I go out into public, then return home, always with something I didn't have before I left, even if it's 'slight'.
Being in stores, corner stores, fuel stops, places you have to go, it's almost unavoidable.
I go out, and see people have growths on them, all kinds of weird stuff, like mutants or something.
Just makes you want to retreat to cabin in the woods somewhere, but 'OH no, Gov won't allow that', society won't allow that unless blessed with riches.
So if not blessed with riches, forced to stay herded around those who are sick.
What a society, what a world.
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Post by X factor on Sept 16, 2020 15:34:15 GMT -5
Where do I go from here?  Where do I go from here?, I found self asking self today as I lay and dwell in the basement of life. Where do I go?, what's exciting anymore?, who's exciting, who can excite me anymore? My years of taking out loans, to persue this or that are behind me, so without loans, or credit cards, there's only cash, and cash goes quickly. I mean sure I have the basics, but shouldn't life be about more than just the basics? Just not sure what direction to go in anymore. The basement is safe, but can get boring after a while. I could get a pet, but running through the life cycle of a pet can be sad, and remind you of your own mortality. I could enroll in some kind of online class, to kind of expand my 'world' a bit. That's probably something I'm leaning towards...there's even free classes from Ivy league schools actually. I could pile up a bunch of free degrees or certificates from Yale on my wall...hmm. As I sit around, counting down the final few hours before I have to leave the basement for a while, find self feeling a bit unfulfilled right now. Not depressed or anything, just unfulfilled. When did life stop being exciting? At least in school, one always has the next grade to look forward to, or if in the military, it's the next assignment that keeps life miced up, but in regular world, none of that, unless you create it I guess. Music, guitar, I have time to learn it, but don't, just not inspired to do so right now, who would listen anyways. Oh well, writing about it on here is not going to change anything. The basement is safe, for sure, but can get a bit boring and drab sometimes.
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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2020 8:44:15 GMT -5
If could grade yesterdays experience, I give it a C-, and felt worse as evening and night progressed, felt very unproductive, wasted a lot of time, and time is not to be wasted anymore.
Ended up calling someone I probably should not have, just because I felt oh so alone and alienated, it's like I have to settle for 'scraps', just to have a normal conversation and feel alive.
It's no way to live, can't emotionally prosper at all like that.
Now will be buried in work over the next 4 days or so and sure will be complaining about that, and feeling the effects of.
Celebrities keep passing away, and I look at their whole body of work while alive, and they seem like they're on a whole different stratesfier than I'm on, at least they'll move onto the next realm feeling they've accomplished something worthy.
Even if that next realm is 'nothing', at least while alive they left behind a great body of work that will live inside of others as long as civilized society is around.
Me, what did I leave behind, nothing, when gone it'll be like never here.
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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2020 8:48:54 GMT -5
With survelience camera in own place now, I feel like an intruder within my own 'space' or place.
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Post by X factor on Oct 22, 2020 6:31:02 GMT -5
So alone in the basement  So alone all down here in the basement, sometimes I get to leave. My imagination gets the better of me when always alone. I hope you have a wonderful day.
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Post by X factor on Oct 22, 2020 6:41:57 GMT -5
So alone in the basement So alone all down here in the basement, sometimes I get to leave. My imagination gets the better of me when always alone. I hope you have a wonderful day. |
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Post by X factor on Oct 31, 2020 20:22:22 GMT -5
It's Halloween, I want to leave the basement for a while, but doubt I will, but wish I could, but maybe not It's Halloween, I'm Halloween. But I still feel more safe in this here basement than I do up there. Here I'm left alone. I hope everyone up there and out there is having a great time though, as long as that great time doesn't involve hurting others. Happy Halloween!
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Post by X factor on Nov 23, 2020 2:23:35 GMT -5
The Basement  The basement is safe, probably the safest place on the planet for many of us. Don't be afraid of the basement, be afraid always of what's upstairs.
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Post by X factor on Dec 2, 2020 14:29:57 GMT -5
I hate leaving the basement, there is nothing topside for me anymore
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Post by X factor on Dec 2, 2020 14:32:21 GMT -5
I hate leaving the basement, there is nothing topside for me anymore You are the kindess soul on the planet, is why the devil keeps you hidden. I sorta feel sorry for you, cause you're so nice, but neglected by a dark world. I wish I had the keys to let you out of your seemingly chosen fate. You deserve so much better. |
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Post by X factor on Dec 2, 2020 14:38:39 GMT -5
Wish I could just hold you and let you cry, cry knowing actually another cared that you were crying And not just you, but others like you who are out there, yet so marginalized by the monsters of society. This world is so upside down, beautiful people with beautiful hearts locked away into obscurity, while those who are ugly, viscous and cruel, allowed to reign over others and write policies for others to follow. Just keep being 'you'. Cause devils will keep being devils. And we need more of you, and less of them.
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Post by X factor on Feb 9, 2021 12:23:10 GMT -5
Enjoying the basement right now Right now I'm enjoying the basement, the solitude, the quiet. It's dark and the the shades are drawn, I don't need to know what's going out outside or topside, I do know it's raining though. The basement is like my own miniature kingdom of mind theater, I can pretend anything I want down here and it becomes my reality. And right now I just feel like being lazy here in the basement, my home away from nothing.
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Post by X factor on Feb 20, 2021 8:22:17 GMT -5
I just want to stay in the basement, I have no need right now to be apart of anything larger  I just want to stay in the basement right now and have no need to be apart of anything larger.
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Post by X factor on Mar 31, 2021 23:02:14 GMT -5
Everything is still right now
Everything is 'still' right now, and my mood, not sure...not super sad, but nor am I really happy, I'm just kind of here.
I've been off for like 4 days, and that's a blessing and a curse.
A blessing, who doesn't want that many days off...a curse, cause the more days you have off in a row, the less you want to go back to work.
I just glad I have a job where I always get to sleep in, cause when had jobs where had to wake up like before 5 am, hell, pure hell.
No job worth waking up before 5 am just to show up to some grungy warehouse type inviornment.
Sleep is so so important, and people who are brainwashed into thinking they must take jobs that snatch them out of the most vital hours of sleep, are the ones you see looking old, aging, before their time.
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