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Today
Sept 27, 2024 21:55:09 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Sept 27, 2024 21:55:09 GMT -5
 Today, hmm. What a day, emotionally, internally. Up, down, up, down, level, down, up. All over the map. My life is either a curse or a blessing, the final outcome not known yet. Also, I really have no more need for booze, there's no one worth me getting boozed up over anymore...no one. The sooner I totally drop booze from my life, the better. I've come far over the past 6 months though, or 3 months, but every now and then I 'slip up' and drink to much beer when stressed or feel as if beer can enhance the emotions of the moment...it can't...it's all an illusion. Drugs, period, are all an illusion. Odd that no drug that alters your mental state, ever has a positive health value, but rather destructive ones only. Anyways, I'm rambling...time to break out the 'to do list', and see if I can at least get a few things done before the day ends in 2 hours and some minutes. |
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Today
Sept 30, 2024 9:01:28 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2024 9:01:28 GMT -5
It's Monday I'm no match for today. It's like the day has already won.
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Today
Sept 30, 2024 16:29:21 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2024 16:29:21 GMT -5
Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...sometimes thinking about something ahead of time is worse than when that time actually arrives and you go through it.
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Today
Oct 2, 2024 15:28:54 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Oct 2, 2024 15:28:54 GMT -5
It's Tuesday Hasn't been the best mental day for me, do to drinking last night, of course. Drinking feels great when drinking, it's the next morning or day that sucks. I think I'm going to shut computer down after this, then restart...the keys feeling a bit sluggish, like my life right now. And I'll finally get dressed and go pay my storage fee...then maybe when I get back I'll do something meaningful. Been laying around all morning and day as I contemplate my future, which doesn't seem so fun for me right now.
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Today
Oct 2, 2024 23:51:09 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Oct 2, 2024 23:51:09 GMT -5
I really don't even know what day it is...I think it might be Wednesday? Either way, it's about time for me to lay down in bed, or air mattress, watch some streaming TV, and then fade off. I feel sorry for myself at times...life never stops coming at you. I know others have it physically worse than me right now, but you can't comfort self by always comparing your situation to another's. Every person has their own custimized hellish realm to navigate and contimplate. And what might be hell to one, could be heaven to another. Anyways, about to lay down, watch some Rod Sterling Twilight Zone, and other stuff of interest on streaming TV. I drank a little tonight, I just couldn't bear the feeling of dread, or nothingness that was in me. With no one to hug, or hug you back, it can be hard at times, emotionally. Oh well.
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Today
Oct 27, 2024 11:43:28 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Oct 27, 2024 11:43:28 GMT -5
Sunday Online life can drive you mad, if you let it. It's Sunday, woke up feeling emotionally gutted. I think foods you eat before bed really can effect your mood in the morning, in a good or bad way. I mean we are what we eat, and certain chemicals inside food do effect our mood or moods, is why so often our moods change rapidly without us even knowing why, it's cause of the foods we eat and or better yet the chemicals man keeps putting in the food we eat. Anyways, it's Sunday, I need to get started on something...already after 12 noon, wow...time just needs to slow down. I need to go workout or something, flush my system clean. Later and out, for now. It's Sunday, Halloween is in a few days.
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Today
Oct 28, 2024 15:32:36 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Oct 28, 2024 15:32:36 GMT -5
Monday What a waste of a day. Slumping all day since getting up a bit after 12 noon. Still slumping. I drank last night and acted a fool. Nothing good or positive to report, same o same o. I'm always getting in my own way. It's Monday.
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Today
Oct 31, 2024 9:58:58 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Oct 31, 2024 9:58:58 GMT -5
Thursdays come and go It's Halloween! Even though not having the best of it right now (at least in my own mind) I think I'll go to the store and get a few Halloween masks, to wear through out the rest of the year for funny pictures and all. But if I buy them today, it'll seem normal, if I buy them later, I'll seem odd...lol Anyways, gotta get going...no more booze, at least not for a very long time.
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Today
Nov 1, 2024 9:10:58 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 1, 2024 9:10:58 GMT -5
Today is here, and is just another day for me to lose and fail at everything I attempt.
A day for me to become more poor, buy stuff I really can't afford.
A day for me to hear bad news, or to hear from negative people with negative spirits inside of them.
Another day for me to be sad about various things in life and my past.
Another day for me to view the socially bad habits of others, as I leave my place.
Screw today.
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Today
Nov 1, 2024 9:13:51 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 1, 2024 9:13:51 GMT -5
I need to get up out of here for a while.
I feel like biking, but for the first few miles to get anywhere I have to drive where _____ walk, and leave trash everywhere.
______ don't care about the environment they live in, dump trash everywhere like pigs and hogs, both genders do it.
Oh, I need to stop it...just in a slightly negative mood this morning, but a lot of it has to do with my environment and those around me.
Not all Americans are great, some are parasites and a nuisance to their communities...and that's just the fact....Jack.
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Today
Nov 3, 2024 15:42:32 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 3, 2024 15:42:32 GMT -5
Today is my day, and I don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone.
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Today
Nov 5, 2024 9:30:16 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 5, 2024 9:30:16 GMT -5
I'm frustrated already, cause I already know I'm going to get in my own way today.
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Today
Nov 14, 2024 7:37:22 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2024 7:37:22 GMT -5
Today I woke up, and as I laid in bed I asked myself 'Why am I even still here?'
And the answer that came to me in my mind was 'So that we can continue to torture you'.
In my mind it was like that answer was coming from both God and the Devil.
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Today
Nov 14, 2024 8:20:26 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2024 8:20:26 GMT -5
The only reason for me getting up of bed today is to get beat up by society and people...not physically but emotionally and phytologically.
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Today
Nov 14, 2024 8:23:24 GMT -5
Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2024 8:23:24 GMT -5
Today, shortly, I will deal with people I don't find physically attractive, I'll deal with people with warped personalities, anger issues, socialization issues.
I'll deal with liars, thieves and crooks (mechanics)
I'll deal with people in traffic who can't drive safely, homeless people, drug addicts standing in front of stores.
Every step of the way will be hell for me today.
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