Moods

My mood has been a bit off kilter these last few weeks do to so much uncertainty in my life

I just really haven't been the same every since I felt I might have to move out of this place before I felt ready to do so, it was like a really big reality check for me.

I was like 'where am I going to go?

I've been here so long, it's relatively quite and just use to it.
I tell ya if, if older and don't already own your home, you're basically doomed come old age, cause if older, you can't afford to pay rent forever, sooner or later you're going to get tired.
Maybe I should make that my priority, getting a small cheap home.

But me, since no family, I'd rather buy a few acres of land and a used RV, that's cheaper than a morgage.
I mean if just buy some desert or mountain land, 3 or 4 acres, if have the land, own the land, can live in a tent or home depot shed, but still would have to pay taxes on the land.

Anyways, this coming year, I've got a lot to think about and do to try to make my future appear a bit more pleasant.

My life feels very empty to me right now, as of late, just empty.

Very odd mood lately, but it seems to be more of a physiologically based mood, as in body changes.
And I wonder if it's do to some probiotics I've been taking lately?
I mean we take these vitamins, and other supplements, and since they're not advertised as medication, many of them go through minimum standards before going to the market.
But I wonder if certain supplements can effect our moods, or if take to many, or mix certain ones.

I just know my mood has been off lately, and probablly me trying to drink less has something to do with it as well, cause when drink less, have more energy, and more energy means more time to pay attention to self.

I've just been kind of agitated lately, even at ads that run on websites, or ads that play before videos on YT, I mean when you hit play, who has time to be forced to listen to a ad air?

That crap adds up man, ads eat away at your life.

I even get agitated with keyboard does't flow, as if, again, adds in the background making typing words a bit stuttery.
No worse feeling than when words typed can't keep up with your speed.

I feel absolutely rotten right now on the inside, as if my soul has been scraped away and removed.

I don't feel love, loved, or anything, I feel blank, and without rhyme or reason, purpose or a cause.
I feel utterly emotionally dead on the inside, only there's no emotion there.

It's like being strip minded of your emotions.

Not sure the reason for this.
Is it because I'm trying to go 'dry', as in not drinking?
Or is it other factors, worries and concerns?

But i know worry, I know concern, those are emotions, right now I don't feel either, it's as if just here.

If this is how a Vulcan feels, than how terrible must it be to be a Vulcan, from Star Trek.

Like with drugs, I think when you drink beer or alcohol for long period, your body starts depending on the booze to monitor your emotions, and so when you stop drinking, the normal range of emotions you'd normal have, isn't there, cause your body just expects alcohol to run your mood, behavior and personality.

I ust know I'm putting something in my body that shouldn't be there, maybe it's an ingredient in a food item I'm eating? Certain vitamins? Or something in the air I'm breathing in? Like these comforter bed spreads I ordered.

I mean some of the ingredients they put in fabrics can be toxic to humans, from what I'm learning.
I gotta figure this out.

Black mold?
Maybe I need to scrub down the walls?