Moods

Sometimes I feel my only purpose left in life is to suffer, and to watch the few I love also suffer as well, without having the ability to do anything about it.

Gee wiz, what a future...

I don't know why I'm in a decent mood, cause I really shouldn't be.
Maybe it's cause I drank earlier?
But usually, even if I drank, by now it's usually wore off and my mood takes a down turn.

Who knows, I mean body physiological function is just odd and unpredictable at times.

Sometimes I think happiness is a fake realm we have to invent within our minds, at least when older, or maybe not.
I think some are genuinely blessed and just have all around wonderful lives...I sure don't.
Anyways, it's late, but I've got energy.
Get to sleep in tommorrow or I'd of gone to bed long ago.
Cooking some chicken in the air fryer, after that, I'll watch a movie and slowly fade out.

What a dorky post this was.

In a very annoyed mood right now...even voices on the radio annoy me...terrible Amazon reviews annoy the hell out of me, yet I'm not allowed to give good reviews.

Stupid people in positions of authority annoy the hell out of me.
Black people who act more racist towards other black people than white people do, annoy the hell out of me.
Black women with degrees, who still go back to the ghetto and get impregnated by goons and thugs, really annoy the hell out of me.

Where I live annoys the hell out of me.
Loud car stereos annoy me, roaches annoy me, rent annoys me.

Getting older and becoming less relevant annoys the hell out of me.
Time annoys me.
Barking dogs annoy me.
Carpets annoy me.
A lot of things just annoy me right now...just in one of those moods.

Just got up.
Not in the most positive mood.
I think what we eat has a lot to do with our moods.
I think the chemicals they put in meat, or foods in general, can effect our moods.

I ate popcorn before going to bed in the early morning.

Anyways, regardless, I just don't feel so hopeful about anything this Monday morning.
And I haven't had a drink in 7 days, yet I woke up feeling down and right near depressed, as if nothing ever will work out, and that I'm just fooling myself thinking otherwise.

I just woke up feeling like 'Why am I even still here?'...as in what purpose could I have anymore, if ever had one.

Bill Gates had, has purpose, Trump has, had purpose, Miles Davis, the trumpet player had purpose, Jimmie Hendrix had purpose, heck, even Elvis had purpose...what purpose do I have, heck my YT videos don't even get views anymore, and my art matters to no one...or at least it's not allowed to be seen do to control of view distribution by google and other online valves that make common people undiscoverable anymore.

The internet was fun a decade ago cause everyone was discoverable...not anymore, greed and commerce has taken over the internet and slimmed it up...as in slime.

Anyways, first order of business is I gotta go to the bank and get debt card activated again cause I thought I lost my wallet on Saturday night, when it was actually in the fridge....I was so upset I even cursed god.

Now I gotta go to the bank and stand around folks that will annoy the hell out of me, and I'm sure me them as well.

It's Monday, yuk.




www.spreaker.com/episode/52762339

I continue to not drink, as such my mood continues to be or feel odd to me



I continue to not drink, and as such my mood just feels odd to me right now, for the last few days, and not sure what to do with this current non drinking mood I'm in.

I have energy, but not used to having so much energy, and so don't know what to do with it.
It's like having more inner energy than my outer body can handle, so I just sit, and think, and space off.
===========================

I just feel odd without having alcohol running through my system or out of it, as in hang over period....now it's just food, water, some sweets, etc.

My life's also about to change again, in a major way, and I don't want it to...I'm just now getting use to the stillness of how it is now.

The future doesn't make me feel happy anymore at all, not in this current world, or my ability to navigate it, I should say.

People are rotten, especially towards me.
If I look good, they get mad, If I speak proper, they get confused.

Women particularly suck and have very fat inflated egos.

In stores, they'll say hello to ugly men, guys, dudes, cause it makes them feel like they're elevating a ugly dudes spirits.
But if look good, smooth, suave, they ignore you and their lips get tight, cause you look better than them, and they don't know how to handle that.

People only and mainly know how to handle you if you fit neatly in whatever box you think you should be in.

(OK, now getting that sugar high, shouldn't drank a few swigs of Dr Pepper and a few bits of chocolate at the same time, it'll pass)

Anyways, as long as I have to deal with people and their egos, I don't look forward to the future anymore...and all the other evils of this world, greed, biases, cruelty, hate, bigotry, fine, if aimed at the right person, but usually that stuff is aimed at good people.

Anyways, time to hit the 'to do list'....better than spacing off and wasting time.

I wonder how I'd be if I ever smoked weed?...I bet I'd be really odd then, with as much as I think....at least with the old fashion weed...I think today's weed is different than the weed I had decades ago when in high school and eastern WA State...today's weed is probably nothing like that.

And seems when black folks smoke weed, they just get all stiff and quiet, nothing in, nothing out.
You have to have something in you, in order for funny weird stuff to come out.

Most blacks I see in this area walk around like stiff emotionalless zombies.

My mood is weird, I should be more unhappier than I am with all the up coming uncertainty in my life, and changes I may have to make, again, in my living situation.