Moods

A few weeks ago, I was in the mood to do everything, now today, currently, I'm not in the mood to do anything but sit in a air conditioned ROOM and watch movies.

Moods are weird

You just never know what effects your mood....booze, drugs, an ugly reality?

Sometimes you can be happy, when should be sad, then other times can be sad, when should be happy.
Sometimes the future can seem bright to you, then other times the future just seems oh so dark and terrible.

I can see why so many people do drugs now, whether street drugs or prescribed drugs or medication, cause everyone is trying to hide from or alter their moods.



Right now, I'm in a somber damp mood, a hopeless mood, will it change overnight?, I sure hope so.

My mood?
I'm here.
I feel fate is stacked against me.
I feel I'm just here for fate to experiment with.

Fate = 'Oh, lets see how they react to this, and how they react to that'...

As fate just takes notes, as if I'm some cosmic experiment to be observed, a cosmic lab rat, faked into believing I actually had a purpose down here.

Stranded



Stranded, that's kind of how I feel right now, and is a glimpse of current reality.

My mood just took a dive, when I came home from work and saw that one of the tires to one of my vehicles was flat.

What's wrong with me??



What's wrong with me?
Lately, the last few days, I've fallen into a odd mood, all I want to do is take pics and video of myself, as if trying to preserve self for long after I'm gone.

Is the end, for me, immanent or near?, is that why I've been so anxious lately?
Or does it have to do with a trip I'm taking soon, and when I take the trip, this side of myself, this more colorful side, I'll have to bury, but it's the side that has kept my spirit alive for years, when all others abandoned me.
When I have to bury my colorful side, I feel like I'm suffocating or something.

Humans are some of the shallowest, small minded so-called intelligent creations of 'God' or the creator.
Most people have no idea who I am, they won't allow me to be 'me', instead, once I leave my place, I simply become what their small narrow bigoted minds think I am or want me to be.

It's why I know God is in no one, for if God, the all-knowing God, were in others, no one would ever fear or mis-judge me in a negative way.

Truth is, the only god most people know is their own flesh and blood, which is tainted with all sorts of ingrained biases and fears and superstitions about others.

Anyways, I'm still here and still wacky and dacky, but in a fun creative way, I just wish more others could see that.
Everyone is so tightly wound up in today's society.

Law, order, and strict crime policies would probably bring trust back into communities again, but as long as criminals allowed to terrorize others, no one feels safe out on the streets, or even in their own neighborhoods and or homes now.

But at least you're safe here in the zone, which is simply a quiet collection of thoughts that go back over a decade.
I library of thoughts, so to speak.