I don't even think believing in God is a bad thing, not at all.
As long as it doesn't become a predatory type of belief.
Example of that would be 'If you don't believe in my 'god' than you're doomed', type of religion.
Everyone needs to believe in something for one reason or another, and if that belief helps get one through dark difficult times, than so be it.
As long as that belief doesn't infringe on the happiness or well being of another or others.
As hard as people are on Christanity, people seem to conviently ignore what's been occurring in the middle east over the last 40 years or so, or even parts of Africa, where in the name of a certain religion, groups, induvisuals, are justifying kidnappings, hostage taking, exterminating others and so forth.
When belief in a God makes you go out and hurt another, than some things 'off'.
Every day on the news we hear of hundreds dying across the world, observe insects dying daily, animals dying.
Death is all around us.
I use to fear death, I know longer do, but do kind of fear method of death.
It's just natural survival instinct to fight death off when occurring.
But to be honest, it doesn't really matter to me anymore whether I die tomorrow or live another 400 years.
Unless rich, life is a struggle daily, unless Loved, have a family, life is lonely.
So you live just to labor basically, labor to pay off things you don't even really have.
You get to a point in your life when you realize things aren't really going to get better, regardless of hearts desire, you realize how rigged everything is, that no matter how bright, no matter how brilliant, if not dialed into the right people or system, it just doesn't matter.
Or if lack money to fund ideas, it just doesn't matter.
Albert Einstein would of been nothing unless tied into University system where he had the funding to experiment on his ideas.
But had Einstein been a share croppers son, no one would of taken him seriously.
And there are many undiscovered Einstein's out there, out here, who just get over looked simply cause not dialed into right system or don't have proper social pedigree.
When apart of labor class, all I can see is body breaking down, getting sick, watching the few around me that I still know and care about get sick, die off, and the feeling of not being able to help them more while alive and or healthy.
All that's sadness to me.
Yet jerks have billions of dollars, and still want more, and can't help simple folks fulfill dreams.
And God?, Hell, Heaven?
None of that matters to me right now. Nor does any of it really make sense right now.
I don't see, observe, anything different from church going people than I do from any other type of person.
I do community work, they do not.
I do believe in God, but God is defined in so many different ways now.
And even those who claim to worship Jesus, the supposed true God of love, are still mean and always mis judge me and others, yet say God is all knowing and never wrong...yet same people always wrong about your character, your motives and intentions, so obviously the true divine God isn't in them or they would never be wrong about you.
Christians can be, are, just as mean, racially bias, sexually bias, culturely bias, as any other peoples on the planet.
I'm tired...and really just don't care anymore...realize I can't impress anyone anymore.
And live around social ghouls, cursed to live around social ghouls who lack a conscious.
Living around such types really makes me question the idea that God is in control of everything.
The things I see, observe, are just gross.
So whenever God, or fate wants to beam me up, I guess I'm fine with that now, cause I don't really have anything to live or fight for anymore accept memories I suppose.
I think the 8th grade was the best year of my life ever.
"The Savages", we called them, the in Jock crowd.
Last Edit: Mar 22, 2015 18:36:28 GMT -5 by X factor
When young, you can somewhat fight it, alert enough to 'note' it, wake up, twitch, follow dreams 'hints'.
What I mean by dreams hints, is that dreams have a way of foretelling insidents.
Like if you hear a noise a dream sequence will set up scenario of that noise before it happens and work it into dream, but how did the mind know ahead of time right when that noise would occur to time it with dream?
Mind does this a lot when asleep, when other half takes over, subconscious.
And I think it does the same with death, can foretell when death is coming, maybe do to infection, illness ect.
Maybe bodies about to shut down, just stop working, heart ect, and in dream sequence will occur that will startle you awake, where as if you didn't have terrible dream, might not have jolted up.
The weird part is what if not young enough, physically healthy enough to respond?
I mean how many people do we hear dying in sleep?
If body is weak, do to age, illness, or chemically repressed, do to drugs, to much alcohol ect, than one would not be able to 'jolt' self awake, instead horrible dream sequence would just happen, and one would not be able to wake up from 'nightmare' do to lack of physical strength.
So when spider bit you in dream, snake bites you in dream, get hit by that car in dream, fall off that cliff in dream, one wouldn't be able to wake up as would if healthy, and instead would succumb to horrible dream sequence.
That would be a awful fate, feeling, but I'm sure it happens.
But then what?, what happens after actually hitting ground in dream? or getting hit by train in dream, then what?
I mean is there a type of 'Freddie Krueger' force always trying to suck us away from this world?
One that finally gets you when you can't wake up for whatever reason?
And does the nightmare stop once brain activity ceases?
Is there any conscious self aware thought outside of biological brain function?
I don't believe in no 'near death', to me either you're dead or you're not...near death is not death.
Death, to me, is when brain actually dies, starts rotting, decaying.
Death to me is when no amount of mouth to mouth, or electric shock can restore bodies electricity, when flies gather.
When a person is dead, is there any self aware conscious thought outside of body born in?
I suppose that's where religion comes into place, religion helps fill that gap for many.
I want to write, but don't know how to write it, keeps changing in mind before can lay out.
Death and dying, a state we're all in, just some quicker than others, in some more obvious than others.
Some die over 50 years, 60 years or longer, others die in one night.
Some die physically, others die emotionally over a long period of time first, before body eventually goes.
Some die mentally strong, at the top of their game, others die mentally weak, with no game at all.
There's really no point to this post, other than it's kind of fun to write stuff while still 'alive and conscious', knowing some day you won't be able to.
Like watching films, movies, hearing songs from those long gone and past, from like the 1920's ect.
Sometimes I think my only health care is a ____, which whenever I feel unhealthy, or health panicked, I sleep with it near by, in that since alone, doubt there'll be any ____ call for me, rather one last ____g and that's it.
If life had no meaning to me while healthy, if couldn't find love while healthy, not sure how things would get better if and when fatally sick.
In prime, no one cares, cared, ignored, seems, at least in 'my world', the only time ghosts and goblins, in human form, want to come around you, is when 'on the way out', when can smell tragedy.
Since didn't matter to anyone while alive, young and healthy, I think when on the way out, I don't want no one to ever see or examine body, I don't want to leave behind any physical evidence that I was ever here.
No one would be at funeral anyways.
Would rather go out into desert, dig on grave, and eternally disappear, no trace that was ever here.
That seems fitting, peaceful and just, for someone like myself...
When I die, there'll be no one around me who knows me, body will most likely rot for a few days in morgue as they try to contract 'family', or any one who cares enough to 'care', then after no one shows up, who knows, only until some discover my creative 'content' will I suddenly pretend to matter to some.
Last Edit: Mar 16, 2019 17:42:59 GMT -5 by X factor
Nature is clever, when death comes through illness or sickness
Nature is clever, in that when death comes through illness, a long term or rapid illness, by the time it's your turn to expire, you no longer care and see 'death' as 'rest'.
I say that cause usually when most of us think about dying, we're at our physical peak, and so of course dying while physically, in prime, seems absurd and perverted, as such we tell ourselves
"I'm to healthy to die, I'll fight it, I'm Rambo or Wonder Woman'...huff and puff.
But say when in last stages of illness, and really about to die, all that 'fight' has long left, even the chemicals it took to get excited, long gone, and so when at that stage of dying, illness simply seems more like a blanket, than an enemy.