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Post by X factor on Jan 28, 2022 21:35:02 GMT -5
And I don't even care about heaven or hell anymore, I just don't care.
Not going to be held prisoner to that crap, if it exists, fine, if not, oh well.
If there is a tunnel you go through, I certainly won't have anyone waiting on the other side to see me there.
If people didn't love me down here, not sure why they'd suddenly fake like they loved me in another realm
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Post by X factor on Jan 28, 2022 21:41:22 GMT -5
Death and Time, after you're dead, is odd when you think about it  I mean like the minute or second you die, and no longer have a sense of time, light years, mean nothing. Think about that, time, a trillian years, goes by in a micro second. And the next time you do wake up, Earth wouldn't even be here, the sun would have gone super nova by then, so even if did wake up, it would have to be on another livable planet or in some ghostly or heavenly non physical realm. Cause like when dead, a zillion years would go by in fraction of a second, so think how much would change in that amount of space time, the galaxy probably wouldn't even be here anymore. It's bizar thinking about it.
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Post by X factor on Jan 31, 2022 1:21:53 GMT -5
Death and dying no longer depresses me or even makes me sad.
I don't see my life circumstances getting better, I see it getting harder over time, in fact.
At least when way younger, youth alone could over come the odds against 'me'...but as I age, there is no youth to over come the odds, all there is is a older aging body that gets more tired with each passing week or month.
What am I fighting for anymore? The honor and priviledge of paying rent or mortgage or taxes?
I really just don't have anything to fight for, if I get sick, and pass, it won't matter to a soul.
Least of all me, I 'll just be gone like I was before I was born.
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Post by X factor on May 20, 2022 21:30:43 GMT -5
Sometimes, like this late night evening after getting off work, I feel like I've outlived my purpose on Earth. I feel like I really shouldn't be here anymore, like I should of passed away years ago, a year ago, or whenever, but somehow just didn't, so instead it's as if I just linger on and on and on.  Almost like that one old movie 'Carnival of Souls', about a lady who drowned, died, but for some reason didn't know they were dead. And they were able to losely still intermingle with humans for a while. That's how I feel, like I'm here, but I'm not, like I'm to stubborn to just 'let go'. I don't know, that's just how I feel right now. |
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Post by X factor on May 20, 2022 21:38:14 GMT -5
I'm just tired right now, and maybe cause I don't have any love in my life, they say when not loved, or love another, you just fade off and way quicker.
Or it could just be a mood I'm in.
I just feel discouraged now though, time and time again, institions, people, a person, a plan, this or that, just seems to be an illusion.
If there are good cheerful loving people who want you to succeed, I just don't seem to ever meet them.
It's always me encouraging others, dreaming, scheming for the better, and it's as if fate just has place zombies in my path, as such my energy now and in the past just goes no where.
yet time and time again, lunatics, people who are dirty, nasty, ugly on the inside are propelled to influencial positions in society and seem to have influence over others.
I just don't get it.
And right now just to tired and wore out on the inside to care.
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Post by X factor on Jul 6, 2022 4:37:42 GMT -5
You just get to a point in your life where you're ready to go, and it's simply a matter of picking the exit point.
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Post by X factor on Nov 25, 2022 15:35:38 GMT -5
I'm alive, but boy did I feel utterly dead today on the inside.
But it's my own doing, cause I drank a lot of beer last night, then had to work today, drive, and that's the last place I should of been.
It was one of those days where I just needed to sleep in till noon.
And I felt gross on the inside, totally gross, for whatever reasons.
And then I hear some announcers on the radio who just always seem so happy, I mean happy with their whole life, their career, their family or families, great Thanksgiving ect, like perfect life or lives.
Me, I wake up and feel like I just want to hide from the world, and stay hidden at times.
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Post by X factor on Jan 1, 2023 13:01:34 GMT -5
Sometimes you wonder 'what is god waiting for or on?', as in 'haven't I suffered enough?', type of thoughts.
Or does god, ect, just enjoying seeing a long slow decline of someone's life and joy in or of it?
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Post by X factor on Jan 9, 2023 0:05:49 GMT -5
What do you do when you get older, and know you'll never be rich, and that life only goes downhill from here on?
Do you just laugh, get drunk and breathe?
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Post by X factor on Feb 11, 2023 6:53:32 GMT -5
ads are very sinister, in that you can be thinking about death and suicide, type it out online, and the next thing you know you're seeing ads about life insurance, and coffins and funeral home expenses.
That's just how sinister ad bots are.
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Post by X factor on Jun 5, 2023 22:12:03 GMT -5
There's nothing fair about this world, and then it's like you just die.
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Post by X factor on Jun 17, 2023 22:20:38 GMT -5
Carnival of Souls - 1962  This movie came out in 1962, I never really liked it, it just has a depressing dark feel to it. Well, in the movie, the gal dies in a car crash, but viewers don't know that, and I guess, obviously, she didn't either. So throughout the movie, she's stalked by a strange man, who ends up simply being her guide. She was a dead woman living among the living. And that's how I feel sometimes, as if I'm a dead soul living amongst the living and to dense or dumb to realize I shouldn't be here anymore, or that my time has passed, yet I'm still here. Here's the original trailer to that dark movie.
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Post by X factor on Jun 18, 2023 21:59:30 GMT -5
Carnival of Souls - 1962 This movie came out in 1962, I never really liked it, it just has a depressing dark feel to it. Well, in the movie, the gal dies in a car crash, but viewers don't know that, and I guess, obviously, she didn't either. So throughout the movie, she's stalked by a strange man, who ends up simply being her guide. She was a dead woman living among the living. And that's how I feel sometimes, as if I'm a dead soul living amongst the living and to dense or dumb to realize I shouldn't be here anymore, or that my time has passed, yet I'm still here. Here's the original trailer to that dark movie. |
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Post by X factor on Jun 18, 2023 22:00:20 GMT -5
Me, npt sure what I'm supposed to do anymore.
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Post by X factor on Jun 18, 2023 22:02:14 GMT -5
Ye, I feel like now, I just keep living, way way way beyond my time.
Can't help that I'm in pretty good shape, and generally eat right.
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