Sleep

I can't sleep right now, I'm sure it's pretty early in the morning but I never look at the clock when off work, why should I, I have no use for time, especially when off work, time is very ugly to me.

Time claims peoples health and more.

That aside, I cannot sleep right now.

Sometimes I find myself feeling anxious for no apparent reason, almost as if I feel I should be happier than I really am, but I'm not, so instead sometimes feel 'anxious; because I'm not happier than I really am or feel on the inside.

Years ago, just being off work would in and of itself have made me feel very happy, now, not so much, and I need to figure out why.

It's as if I keep waiting for things to get or be better, but will they?

I think happiness is more of a train of thought rather than a physical reality that can be measured in tangible things or a situation.

I mean for all intensive purposes I should be very happy, I should just wake up feeling happy.
Sure I'm not wealthy or anything, but I do have basic amenities, what more should I want?

A relationship?, would being in a relationship make me feel happier at this stage of my existence, or would it just bring more anxiety and emotional termiol?

Who knows.

I just know if I don't allow myself to be happy now, than when?

Get to sleep in for one more night, and will love it.

continued from above

I still can't sleep, but will lay back down anyhow.

I lay here in and out of sleep on the bed, with TV on, first the Twilight Zone, then Albert Hitchcock.

I wonder if Rod Sterling admired Hitchcock. (that's for another post)

Watching these older TV series cast you into a different mood or state of mind.

The relationship between man and woman was different back then.

I don't get how women, back then, almost felt obligated to hurl themselves at crumy men.

I guess that still happens, but back then it was like mainstream to do that, on TV shows/movies, men would slap women, or get angry at them, and it was like normal.

In these movies, I see women hurling themselves at obviously creepy men, and you're like 'No, no, don't go home with them'.

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I don't know, I guess it's time to really try to fall asleep this time, turned TV off to make sure of that.

Also, men, back during black and white TV/movie days, they always looked very mature, not old, but mature.
They always had mature haircuts, glossy black haircuts that gleemed under the lights.

You look for such men today, and well, can't find them, or at least I can't, not within my daily realm anyways.

All the males I see around me, their hair is anything but dark and glossy, rather most of their hair looks sparse, stringy and ragged.

Anyways, this time I"m going to lay back and try to fall asleep for real.

I just hate letting go of a day that I'll never get back.

Can't sleep right now, I feel like something major is brewing somewhere around the world, and or within my own sphere of existance that I just don't know about yet.

Or maybe it's just excess energy, not sure.

I just know I feel ampt up and can't really relax, or don't feel like it.

Trying to defuse anxioty by watching scary movies, not really working so far.

Suddenly I feel all drowsy, not sure why, but will take a nap to reset thy bodies clock and energy level.